Adoption.
It's not "natural".
According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary:
Natural -- "being a relation by actual consanguinity (blood relation) as distinguished from adoption. Natural parents."
As my daughter dutifully pointed out the other day, "Mommy, you're not my real Mommy". A friend from school told her so.
I don't feel she loves me any less or differently than a biological child. It's merely a label. But, it caught me by surprise. It also got me thinking....
"Birth parent", "First parent", "Natural parent", "Real parent", "Adoptive parent" -- all labels.
Adoption is full of labels.
People (adults and children) like to label. I get that.
But, it's not how I feel.
I feel like my children's Mommy....period.
I wouldn't love my kiddos any more (or differently) if they'd grown in my womb. The media, in particular, likes to identify children as "adopted". Is it pertinent to Tom Cruise's divorce headlines that he also has 2 adopted children?
There is nothing I am more passionate about than my children and adoption.
But, adoption does not define them. Labels do not define us. Labels categorize and differentiate. My family is no different than any other's. We love unconditionally, support and encourage one another, laugh together, argue (often), cry (lots) and always forgive. The need for others to label and differentiate....is hurtful.
I feel the urge to tell my daughter's friend that I am her Mommy.
But, more importantly, I feel the need to tell her friend that there is a wonderful, beautiful, caring young lady who also loves my daughter very, very much...and my daughter did grow in her womb. This amazing young lady also gave my daughter her tall, slender frame, long dainty fingers, tiny freckles, beautiful smile, pinchable cheeks, vivacious spirit and a whole lotta smarts.
I would like to tell her friend, we are both real.
According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary:
Natural -- "being a relation by actual consanguinity (blood relation) as distinguished from adoption. Natural parents
As my daughter dutifully pointed out the other day, "Mommy, you're not my real Mommy". A friend from school told her so.
I don't feel she loves me any less or differently than a biological child. It's merely a label. But, it caught me by surprise. It also got me thinking....
"Adopted" is a label.
"Birth parent", "First parent", "Natural parent", "Real parent", "Adoptive parent" -- all labels.
Adoption is full of labels.
People (adults and children) like to label. I get that.
But, it's not how I feel.
I feel like my children's Mommy....period.
I wouldn't love my kiddos any more (or differently) if they'd grown in my womb. The media, in particular, likes to identify children as "adopted". Is it pertinent to Tom Cruise's divorce headlines that he also has 2 adopted children?
There is nothing I am more passionate about than my children and adoption.
But, adoption does not define them. Labels do not define us. Labels categorize and differentiate. My family is no different than any other's. We love unconditionally, support and encourage one another, laugh together, argue (often), cry (lots) and always forgive. The need for others to label and differentiate....is hurtful.
I feel the urge to tell my daughter's friend that I am her Mommy.
But, more importantly, I feel the need to tell her friend that there is a wonderful, beautiful, caring young lady who also loves my daughter very, very much...and my daughter did grow in her womb. This amazing young lady also gave my daughter her tall, slender frame, long dainty fingers, tiny freckles, beautiful smile, pinchable cheeks, vivacious spirit and a whole lotta smarts.
I would like to tell her friend, we are both real.
I love this! Your love and passion for your children shines through them. You are the "real deal". You 2 are so amazing and your children are so blessed. I sure hope people read this and teach their children to love all without labels. Way to go Kim! We love you and your amazing family!
ReplyDeleteI am saddened that anyone would say that to any child, my label is stepparent, but my love for MY daughters from my husbands previous marriage doesn't step close to not being a part of their lives. Your children are so blessed by your love, and I agree someone loved them enough to give them to a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your blog and this message!!
ReplyDeleteLove this! You are the perfect mommy for all 5 of your children! In Russell Moore's book Adopted for Life, I love how he pointed out that his kids "were adopted" as in, it was something that happened in the past and doesn't define who they are. We don't walk around saying, "This is my c-section baby and this is my adopted kid." I can honestly say there is no difference in how I feel for any of my girls. I love them each individually and fiercely!
ReplyDeletePerfectly said!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written~
ReplyDeleteTera just put me in contact with you as we are right at the same spot as you! We received our Art 5 a while ago as we've been waiting for TA for 12 days now. Would love to be traveling together!
ReplyDeletewww.SomehowTheresPeace.blogspot.com