1 week+ home!

Apologies for the long post. I have so much to say! What a week! :)

"So, how are things going?"

Honestly, pretty darned great!

Lucy had a busy first week+ home and we are getting to know our girl a lot better, every day.

I was off work last week and today. I'm very, very thankful for the one-on-one time with my girl. The plan, as of today, is for Lucy to start preschool on Monday, December 3rd. This is the same preschool that Ben attends, where all of our kiddos have attended. We think she'll do great, once she feels safe. :)

The kids were all at school and Greg was back to work. Jet lag was killer. We knew it would be. But, wowza. The general rule of thumb: 1 day of "recovery" for every hour in flight. So, 14 days for us! So sad. Greg and I have avoided naps to keep on schedule. But, Lil Miss Stinker kept us sleep deprived for a few nights. I am finally beginning to feel somewhat human again.

When not cocooning, we've been busy! Our outings so far:

Target. Had to. At some point, it's gotta happen. Last Tuesday. I was in withdrawal, and we needed "stuff" (like, child protective devices....I'll get to that later). She did great! Very social, saying "hello" to nearly everyone. She does get impatient; snacks (Gerber Puffs, Cheerios) are a must.  

Cincinnati Children's Hospital International Adoption Clinic. Last Wednesday, we left home at 4 a.m. for a 3 1/2 hour drive. Turning from Louisville towards Cincinnati we encountered a shut down interstate, adding about 2 hours to our drive. Lucy did great though. My parents were back on kid duty for the day. So thankful for their help!!!

The Clinic visit went well. Lucy is in the 60% for height and weight. Her height is 35 1/2 inches and her weight is 32 lbs. Regarding her special need, as identified by China in her paperwork. A sedated MRI will be performed in Evansville, in the coming weeks, and then we'll consult with our doctor in Cincinnati. We do not believe the special need is an issue (her CT scan in China @ 15 months was "normal") and likely has had little, if any, impact on her health or development.

Developmentally, the therapist categorized her gross motor skills and self-help skills (dressing, feeding herself, etc.) @ a 20 month level, her fine motor skills @ a 24 month level and speech @ a 16 month level. She is 30 months old. The doctor was very impressed that Lucy wakes up dry most days and pees in the potty. This is a very good sign, cognitively, for our girl.

The general rule of thumb on developmental delays for an institutionalized child is 1 month for every 3 months in the institutional environment. So, "normal" expected delays would place her at 20 months. The concern, at this point, is her excessively delayed speech. We will begin speech therapy in the next month or two, as our doctor recommended.

Personally, I don't feel she was spoken to, if at all, in the orphanage. Call it instinct or intuition, I just know. I knew from the first day we met her. She was very unfamiliar with communication. Speaking or receiving. She could interact with Warren and they could "communicate" (but it wasn't Chinese...). Honestly, it's like we plucked her from the jungle (well, not quite that bad....but, you get the idea). It's not clear to me our sweet girl has had any adult human interaction or stimulation of any kind.    

The doctor felt Lucy may have a slight hearing loss, contributing to her delay in speech. The doctor's initial assessment was based on a raspiness in her voice common to hearing impaired children. In addition, the doctor indicated her ear canals are 100% blocked with solid (like, as a rock) ear wax. We are consulting with an ENT in Evansville for an evaluation and also using an over the counter product, Debrox, which seems to be working! We saw a small bit of ear wax fall out yesterday! :) If Debrox doesn't work, she will likely need the wax surgically removed. Yikes.

It was a tough day for our sweet girl. She also received another TB shot. Doc indicated China does not administer the shots correctly. She also received Hib, Flu and Prevnar shots....and a blood draw that seemed to last an hour. Poor girl gave about 10 vials of blood. We also have to collect 3 stool samples, each 48 hours apart and mail back to the Clinic. Fun stuff.

We will return to our family physician in 1 month for her 2nd flu shot and any additional vaccinations needed from her blood draw analysis ("titers").

The doctor was also concerned that Lucy's right eye may be slightly "lazy". We also received the same comment from Ben's doctor when we brought him home. His ophthalmologist said it was fine. Apparently, "Asian" eyes sometime appear lazy due to the shape of their eyes and limited white space in their inner eye area. We have an ophthalmology exam scheduled in late December.

Lucy will also be examined by her pediatrician in early December for her new patient appointment and we will return to Cincinnati Children's Hospital in 6 months for a follow-up exam. Whew!

For those of you considering an International Adoption Clinic, I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Mary Staat and her team at Cincinnati Children's. Dr. Staat is OUTSTANDING. She is an adoptive parent herself and truly goes above and beyond.

Next stop on the activity train, our first Post Adoption home study visit. Thursday morning at 8:30 a.m. Thankfully, the other kiddos did not need to be present. Lucy was in a great mood. She had just woken up and was eating breakfast - eggs, oranges, toast and milk. We had to supply 8 photos and answer a lot of questions on her transition. The home study visits are a requirement from China.  All went well and the social worker thought Lucy seemed great. :)

Lucy and I also visited my office on Friday. My co-workers are like family and I couldn't wait for them to meet her. She was very quiet and shy, as I expected. She started to utter bye-bye towards the end (maybe happy to be leaving!?). She was very confused - standing in front of a large group of "non-Asian" people, staring at her. It was cute. What this girl must be thinking!?

We also stopped by the mall, briefly, for the kiddos' Christmas clothes. We need to work on our Christmas card photo (ugh!), which may, or may not, happen. She loved the mall (aka...anywhere in her stroller), as long as she has puffs to munch on.

After nap, it was off to the physician's office to have her TB test read. I couldn't locate Dr. Staat's paperwork, so the nurse couldn't "read" her results. So sad. I called Dr. Staat and she walked me through how to read the results myself. Awesome. Dr. Staat also updated me on the initial results of Lucy's blood draw. Looks great so far, needs a few vaccinations, but nothing uncommon. Said she has had the chicken pox.

Lucy has been doing so well, we decided to jump in and go to Friday night pizza with my family. I'm so glad we did. My parents and my sister and her family met us at a local pizza favorite, near our neighborhood. Lucy loved the cheese bread and pizza and sat quietly, soaking it all in. I can't wait for the day when she feels comfortable sharing her true personality and feisty spirit with our families -- to see her feeling safe and secure. This is a Friday night ritual for our family, and it felt so wonderful finally having Lucy Mei with us! :) 

Then, the granddaddy of all outings, (really, why wait?!) on Saturday morning.....Chuck-e-Cheese's. Seriously. It was my nephew's 7th birthday and they had delayed the party until Lucy came home. I was fearful she would be overwhelmed. She wouldn't let the hostess security stamp her hand, so she got a sticker on her back instead. She did great though. She rode a few Barney type car rides, but wouldn't go near the slides. She did go down a slide on my lap. Not confident enough to try herself. Mostly, she ate cheese pizza and white birthday cake. Again, she sat very patiently and was very well behaved. She waved at Chuck-E, but wasn't interested in giving any love. Who can blame her?!

Next on the never ending agenda, home for Christmas decorating. I wasn't sure I'd tackle it this year. You must understand my "mantra" in whatever I do, if a little is good, a LOT is really good. It's the OCD thang. So, needless to say, Christmas decorating is a major event. We spent all day/night and the "inside" is finished!!!! It looks great!!! We used green and red lights on the tree this year and the kids LOVE it. Also, one more beautiful stocking on the mantle. It feels great! Su-weeet!

I was vacuuming up pine needle mess and glanced at the clock. 5:49 p.m. 1 week home. Lucy was sitting at the table with the kids eating dinner, prepared by Sam! :) Greg was finishing the tree. I couldn't ask for a better week, a better life.

Sunday, yesterday, was Lucy's first visit to church. Again, she did very well. Overwhelmed by the attention and the constant bickering of her siblings for her attention. It's out of control. They all love her so much and constantly vie for her attention and laughter. Church was no exception. Greg held her most of mass and afterwards a few friends and parishioners approached....but, it was ok. Most read the blog, and know our girl is shy and fearful. :)

Then, Sunday evening was our city's annual Christmas parade. It's an annual tradition...and I'm all about that. So, off we went. Lucy sat in her stroller, and enjoyed a sucker Jack gave her. The parade participants throw candy at the kiddos, like we need candy. It was a beautiful night and one more event off Lucy's huge bucket list. Poor girl.

I've thoroughly enjoyed today (Monday) with my girl. Breakfast was cream of wheat, a huge apple and milk. We then ventured to the grocery store (her first visit) for Thanksgiving shopping. It was packed, but Lucy enjoyed riding in the "car" grocery cart and eating the fruit (or anything!) I placed in the cart. Stimulation overload. 

Back home for lunch of yogurt and Mac-n-cheese. Tried peanut butter sandwich....no go.

We then played for a while, tried to teach her to dance. Not into it. So sad. We walked the dog. She holds the leash and we walk around the block. She LOVES it. She also loves playing ball with Chezzy. He is in heaven!

Her favorite things to play with aren't toys. For example, I made place cards for dinner and breakfast....ok, hear me out....here's how it works:

Lucy Mei sits at the head of the table in her high chair....always. Last night, the remaining 6 people placed their names in a hat and drew a "starting position" around the table. Each evening, we will rotate, clockwise, 1 space. I know. Confusing. OCD. But, the kids LOVE IT. Everyone gets equal time sitting by Lucy at dinner and breakfast the following morning. Whew.

Anyway, I made/set the place cards and set them on the table. Lucy collected them and loved playing with them....for like an hour! Cracks me up! She also loves medicine measuring cups. 

Next was nap...and Mommy blog time. :)

A few thoughts on Lucy's homecoming, transition and adjustment....

Siblings:

The first few nights were hard....and still kinda are. The kids were CRAZY competing for her attention and she was overwhelmed. We learned she likes Lego's - especially knocking them down. She's a little rough, but definitely improving!!! She watches the other kids play and tries to imitate. Slowly, she has started to respond to their affection and it warms my heart!!!

She has taken to Sam very well. He is nearly my size and can pick her up and nurture her like an adult. He is in heaven! He loves snuggling with her, and she with him. :) He carries her around and comforts her a lot. He's a great big brother and such a sweetheart. He knew she liked the "fried dough sticks" in China, so he made them for her homecoming. They didn't turn out great, but it's the thought. Love.

She LOVES playing "baby dolls" with Ellie. Lucy has also taken to Ellie's nurturing spirit, as well. They are soooo cute together. Lucy follows her around and is very intrigued by her silliness and physical antics. They have colored together, read books, practiced walking up/down the stairs - and played lots of "baby". Ellie is a great "mother hen" and Lucy is very drawn to her.

Jack is finding his way. His sidekick, Ellie, is now drawn to a new person and he's feeling a little displaced. We are very aware of this and working diligently to ensure he feels included. He's a little too "in your face" for Lucy at the moment, but he loves her dearly. In time. Lucy has started holding Jack's hand and likes to roughhouse with him. Jack is so gentle with her, but they fire each other up and she goes with it. Belly laughs and all! Last night the 3 of us laid on the sofa and Lucy was very comfortable with Jack. She kept pointing to his nose, ears, eyes, mouth....and rubbing his belly saying, "sooooft".

Ben, well, he is the sweetest thing ever. He is sooooo excited "my Lucy Mei" will be attending his preschool soon. They are nearly identical in size. Lucy has hit him a few times....and Ben doesn't retaliate. He tells me "it's ok Mommy, Lucy Mei is learning how to play". He is more interested in me being home, than Lucy Mei's arrival. :) They sat next to each other in the car yesterday and held hands. Be still my heart!

Sleep:

Nearly always a huge issue for internationally adopted kiddos. Lucy spent the first night in the pack-n-play next to my bed, me holding her hand. Painful and impractical, to say the least. 2nd night was the crib in her room (shared with big sister, Ellie - but, Ellie in the basement with Daddy temporarily) and a new nightlight. Greg put her down for bed while I was tucking in the boys. As I was walking by her room, I heard her (or someone?) banging on the door. I asked Greg if he actually placed her in the crib - or in his jet leg dazed fog - he "missed" the crib??? Ha! He said he definitely placed her in the crib. We couldn't believe she got out!!!!

So, Greg ran downstairs to grab the video monitor. I placed her back in the crib and closed the door. She was out of the crib in less than 3 seconds. She literally placed one hand on the railing and hurdled over. A future Olympian, I tell ya! This girl is determined and strong. Love her!

So, now what?

We tied a sheet over her bed (as a tent) and she fell asleep...with plans to purchase a mesh "tent" for the crib the following morning. As I was doing research, I learned these are a severe safety hazard. Greg went up and removed the sheet. The new plan, a toddler bed and gate (hence, the Target run).

The toddler bed was very difficult for her the first few nights. She would continually get out (like a hundred times), with her blanket in tow, and lay down by the door. I would continually check the video monitor. If she was out of bed, I would go in and instruct her to move to "Lucy's bed". She did. She understood! Good first step. We also had to duct tape the light switches so she wasn't sleeping in the light. Ellie was continuing to sleep in the basement with Greg during these transition nights.

Finally, after several days of naps and bedtimes in her bed, she's doing great and Ellie is sleeping back in her room! Last night, I laid the girls down and Lucy cried for a bit. We looked in the monitor and Ellie was at her side consoling her. Then, she was ok and off to sleep. She LOVES having Ellie in the room with her. No night terrors or waking up. She's a great sleeper! :) Biggest CHECK of all!!!!

Chezzy, the dog:

Initially, Lucy was extremely fearful. Now, they are great buds! Cracks me up! Darn. She looks for him! They chase each other and she always makes this "lip smacking" sound when she points to him. Not sure what that's about?? She even likes to hold the leash and run with him through the yard. Looks like he's here to stay. So sad. She pets him all the time. Most attention he's ever had!

Communication:

The words we understand clearly - Mama, Baba (Chinese for Dad), up, please, baby, hi, bye bye. She tries to repeat almost everything we say. We can distinguish a few words, but most sound the same. She signs for "finished" and "more".

She is able to understand a LOT of what we say. She finds a way to communicate with us through pointing, or tugging at her highchair when she's hungry, or tugging at her diaper when she's pottied (or even before she potties!). She helps herself to a sippy cup from the drawer when she's thirsty. She sucks her thumb, playing piano on her nose, and rubs her eyes when she's sleepy. :)

Pottying:

She is dry most of the time. It's clear she would "squat" when using the potty in China. We will sit her on the potty and nada. She will get up, hold our legs facing us (initially not sure why) and squat - and pee. Fortunately, the pooping has been contained to her diaper or the potty. We are in no hurry. We just want to do what makes her comfortable....and we're not sure what that is, yet.

1 week home thoughts:

This girl is amazing. She is beautiful, sweet, playful, funny, silly, happy and extremely fearful of new people and new environments....and going to bed alone. She is fun!! She LOVES to make silly faces. Yesterday, as I was in the office, she was peeking around the corner and waiting for me to see her. Then, she would break out into a full giggle and silly face. Seriously. Could she be any cuter!??

Sadly, the transition for Ben was rough. He tantrumed for control nearly every waking hour for a few months. Lucy rolls with it. Ben has come a loooonng way. Like, nearly a complete 180. All kids handle the transition differently. We are so thankful she appears to be adjusting well, for now. :) We know the journey has just begun though. Her cries, although rare, are sheer terror. Breaks my heart.

She is extremely easy to distract and satisfy. Her laughter is infectious and her smile will melt your heart. It takes over her entire face! Loving her 3rd dimple! She has bonded extremely well to Greg and I....and she's come a very long way in 1 week+ with her siblings....and the dog.

Honestly, I couldn't ask for anything better in the way of transition. The jet lag is nearly gone for all of us and she's beginning to feel very comfortable without Greg or me in her sight. She loves to learn, she's very curious and interested in new things. We can see her confidence building every day. She definitely understands "no" now, and responds appropriately! Check!!!!!

She's also showing more signs of wanting to please. For instance, at lunch today - she was eating Mac-n-cheese with her fingers. I told her to use her fork or spoon. I was in the kitchen and I saw her sneaking it in with her fingers. I said, "Lucy Mei"....in a "you're busted" kind of tone. Poor girl broke into a silent cry, chewing on her fingers, tears flowing. God love her! It was so pitiful. It's a great sign of bonding though. She has such a gentle heart.

To truly appreciate how far she's come, it's important to understand where she came from. Factually, we know very little. The orphanage did not allow us beyond the outer gates. On the exterior, it did appear nice. Our guide indicated only the "nice" orphanages allow visitors inside. I couldn't bear to think about what that meant.

Last week, Warren's parents received 60 new photos from the orphanage. They had sent disposable cameras with care packages and developed the photos upon returning home. The photos included a few photos of Lucy bear-hugging Warren! Sooooo sweet, those two!!!!

We also developed about 25 photos from the camera we sent. Lucy was wearing split pants in all the photos (both Warren's photos and ours -- despite being told by the orphanage she wore diapers). The photos from Warren's family included all indoor shots vs. ours included all outdoor shots.

I must be honest, I was shocked. It was beyond heartbreaking to see.

I had heard very good things about this orphanage, but the fact of the matter is, it's an orphanage. From the first day with Lucy in China, I knew. The care she and Ben received were DRASTICALLY different. It could be boy vs. girl. It could be the caregivers. Regardless, in my opinion, Lucy was not lovingly cared for, not even close.

The photos included cold walls and floors - all hard surfaces (concrete, tile), bars on the windows, paint chipping off the old, worn walls. Large rooms filled with no toys, no books, no stimulation of any kind. In one of the photos, the only "toy" was a 7-up bottle. The kids looked sad, disheveled, unkempt. The cribs had "mobile" type fixtures. But, instead of spinning animals, they were wrapped with sheets or straps of some kind, presumably, for securing the children in/to the crib. The outdoor play area was overgrown with weeds. I suspect it was used very little. 

It was depressing. It was sad. It kicked my gut.

As I was beginning to type this post yesterday morning, Lucy Mei was belly laughing and wrestling Jack on our warm, carpeted floor. The kids were arguing over who "gets" her next! The dog was mixed in the chaos. Greg was trying to referee. I just kept thinking....life is good. Very, very good.

A most blessed Thanksgiving to all.

P.S. Photos to come, soon!

Blessings,